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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482372">i don't know</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxoxie/pseuds/mxoxie'>mxoxie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>30 years after he escaped hopes prai, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Mourning, au where taka is a survivor but mondo still dies, grave mourning, ishimondo - Freeform, the despair has come to an end, tragic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:33:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482372</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxoxie/pseuds/mxoxie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>kiyotaka doesn't know.<br/>mondo offers to help.<br/>so why did he find himself back at his grave?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ishimaru Kiyotaka &amp; Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i don't know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't know."</p><p>He uttered those words, and even though they were in a classroom, it felt like he was in a dark cold cavern. Because they bounced back up at him and into his ears, echoing throughout the chamber of his skull, and it was almost as if they broke every bone in his rigid body. Time stood still, and it seemed to wash away at him simultaneously when he looked back into his best friend's face. The one that had concern etched onto it, while something else flickered behind the dark pupils that slowly blew out.</p><p>"The hell ya mean, you don't know?"</p><p>The question felt like an insult rather than a reply, and he felt himself flinch, the blood pounding in his temples.</p><p>”I don’t know why I’m back here.” </p><p>And then the classroom vanished, the floor changed its texture, and Kiyotaka found that he was back at the place that he had loathed and appreciated with all of his burning might. </p><p>“I don’t. Really, I don’t.”</p><p>He tightened his grip on the bouquet that he had in his hand, the sickly sweet aroma of the roses and mums so out of place from the fixture of this area. He had set it up himself, along with all of the other survivors, but he couldn’t help but return here every single time that it happened. </p><p>There came a day each year where Kiyotaka woke up, and for some reason, he was in shambles. His body was drenched with sweat, his mind was tearing, and he felt like he would shatter any second. Just like that day. Where he had to witness something that he knew he would never forget. </p><p>That came back to him too. </p><p>And he knew that that was the day it happened. The day that he had wanted to rip out all of himself until the only thing that remained was the own shell of his corpse and the own scent of his despair.</p><p>But he escaped for a reason. He did it for Mondo. And he did it to leave that sane despair. He wasn’t going to let Junko win all over again, because she had almost taken him over many times. Even though he had seen her being crushed by that block with his own two eyes. </p><p>“Well, never mind. I do.”</p><p>He took a step forward, smelling the cold autumn air. The leaves crunched underneath his black laced boots, the ones that he had never left even though he had grown so much since then. He missed the days where he could just walk down the halls in them, not having to worry if somebody was going to die.</p><p>And his eyes came to rest on the headstone that was placed on the ground in front of him. </p><p>
  <em>Here lies Mondo Owada. A great man, a greater friend, and the greatest bro. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>May he rest in our hearts.</em>
</p><p>”You know, bro. It’s been thirty years. You might not want me to come back here. I know you all too well.” </p><p>Those warm tears erupted from his waterlines. </p><p>“You wouldn’t want me to be so hung up. To worry every day. To cry myself to sleep. Yeah, I still do that. I’m pathetic. I know.” </p><p>He kneeled down, ignoring the dirty sticking to his black overalls. Ever since he had escaped and helped take over the despair for good with the remaining survivors of Hopes Peak, he had resorted to being a farmer. It was a job that he didn’t mind at all, really. And the same one that he had suggested he wanted to Mondo when they conversed in the sauna. </p><p>“But, well, I miss you. I still do. And I always will.” </p><p>Placing the flowers on the dirt ground, he sniffed, letting the tears fall down his cheeks and plant themselves on the mulch and soil. So many old flowers rested there, dried and fossilized. He hadn’t bothered to throw them away. They didn’t deserve that. They deserved to grow old and live in peace underneath all four seasons, time and time again. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They would get to do what he never got to.</p><p>”I shouldn’t dwell. I’ve learned to move on, you know? I’ve learned to breathe.” A pause. “I stopped having panic attacks, you know. I got a hold of my emotions for the first time since I was twenty five.” Another pause. “Jesus Christ, I’m getting old.”</p><p>He could almost hear the chuckle from beneath him. </p><p>“But I’ll never forget you. Never have, never will. I’ll still come here whenever the time is right. Whenever I need to apologize for anything I’ve done. Cause I’m not innocent.”</p><p>Silence. </p><p>“Sorry. I am”</p><p>Silence. </p><p>“I wish you’d be able to respond.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”I know you can’t.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Again.</p><p>”I love you.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”I really love you. I knew I did since I first kissed you. But I never told you. Because I’m a big coward.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”I wish I could have told you before this happened, you know? I want to so bad. Because I know we did do something that one night. Something that I’ll never forget.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”And I still couldn’t say I love you, you know? Even though you said it back. I just... Couldn’t. I hope you aren’t mad. You know how I am.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”Well, you knew how I was.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”I bet I knew how you were too, before all of this happened. I wish I could really remember you. But It doesn’t matter anymore. I still love you.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>”Well, I have to go.”</p><p>He stood up, brushing his knees, drying his face of the tears that had left him earlier on. </p><p>“Goodbye, Mondo. I’ll be back soon. You know I will.”</p><p>He turned away, and didn’t look back as he held himself together. And then he smiled. He didn’t let himself break, he didn’t let himself be broken. He let himself just remember the man that he loved. And he still does. Forever and always. </p><p>“Yeah, man. I can’t wait.”</p>
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